His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
