why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
