we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
