i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
