I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
