So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
