There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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