I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
