Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
