he puts the penis in happiness.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
