She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
