Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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