I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
