I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
