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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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