She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
