Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
