Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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