if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize