Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
