im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
