I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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