someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
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