just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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