Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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