how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
