i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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