She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
