His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
