That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
