Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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