That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
