enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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