come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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