Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
