It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
