I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
