Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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