I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She bit a glass in half.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
