I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize