So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
