WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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