If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
