like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
