He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
