moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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