What did we do last night that was yellow?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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