i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
