rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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