The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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