A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize