"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize