that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
