"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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