Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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