So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
