After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
