It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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