The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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