What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
