Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
