i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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