onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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