just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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