he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
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