Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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