Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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