Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Can you bring me the toilet please
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
