Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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